Where’s the Beef in 150 Channels on Cable TV?


When you update your TV cable programs – a few words of warning. If it sounds like you are getting the grand-daddy package of them all – 150 channels of top television viewing – be cautious.

All those movie channels – yes!   All the sports programs – yes!      Round the clock viewing for your viewing enjoyment – yes!    High Definition – yes!    Just got an HD TV! yes!     Bring it on!

Better check it out before you tell all your friends and family what a great deal you got for only $29.95. You figure that’s better than going to the movies a couple of times and spending all that money.

Let’s check it out – oh, look — there’s nothing free in HD. Our new TV is HD – oh, it’s extra? — we have to pay $15.00 more for that ~ well, maybe we won’t need it.   Well, ok, $15.00 isn’t so bad. Oh, you have to purchase another box for it? For $98? And it’s more for ‘special’ sports? They’re ALL special? – wow, it’s $59.95 for special boxing and football games?

This is like the old joke – “the car costs only $100 bucks — oh, you wanted a transmission in it? – that’s $2,000 more – oh, and you may want tires – they’re $75 each – need four?  “I bet you want a steering wheel, too.”

Let’s check out all the channels we’ll get (*rubbing hands together with anticipation*) – and soon to be disappointed).

Menu Button – Actual menu listings of your bundled ‘programs’:

Channel 2000 -How to have the sexiest hair ever for $19.99

Channel 3000 – Most awesome workout ever without leaving your chair for only $19.99

Channel 4000 – Relieve annoying hammertoe pain with this secret tool for only $19.99

Channel 5000 – Look 18 forever for $19.99

Channel 6000 – Open Grilling Today in the Rain – Grilling alligators in pesto sauce

Channel 7000 – 16 channels — To be announced

Channel 9001 Family Feud [from the 1970s]

Channel 9002 – Top 100 Tunes of Scream Songs

Channel 9003 – Extreme Makeovers for 70 year olds for $19.99  (And one free if you call NOW!!)

Movie Channel – Movies from the 1920s and 30s (actually they’re better than the new ones).

Channel 9004 – Loser Videos of World’s Funniest Videos

Local Channels – Blank screen with message. “Need upgrade for that.”

20 channels – Inactive

15 channels – Off the Air

There are more infomercials than there are real programs. Everything they sell on these info channels are $19.99 plus shipping & handling (they don’t tell you how much shipping & handling will be) AND – if you order within 5 seconds, you get 2 of everything including free shipping & handling.

The movies are reruns of reruns of reruns of movies with ratings not more than 1 and a half stars out of 4 highest stars. AND, if you do watch a movie – it lasts 4 hours – 1 hour of movie interspersed with 3 hours of commercials. All movies begin with 1 or 2 commercial breaks but when you get down to the ending – the most important part of the movie –you get — count ’em — 9 commercials.

Be aware if the wind blows enough to swirl your flag outside, you may lose “the signal” and all 150 channels. Or if it rains longer than 5 minutes or the cable even hears your water sprinklers go on, the cable may go down for awhile due to inclement weather. But don’t lose heart; once during a Hurricane 3 level – we never lost ‘the signal’ — go figure.

I don’t watch TV anymore – my husband only watches soccer and the news — and we pay $81.23 a month. BUT, we have 150 channels. Woo Hoo!

© Marie Coppola  March 2013

About Marie Coppola

Marie Coppola A long-time human resources administrator and paralegal (B.S. in Business Administration/ Psychology, Certified Paralegal), Marie writes to aid employees with positive career options and resources, and to assist in career development solutions for students and employees; counsels on resumes, securing employment, and being successful with promotable possibilities. Marie finds inspiration in her faith, which she enjoys passing on to others, and finds gratification in helping others wherever she can. Got a question, need advice? Marie can be reached at mcopp@ymail.com