Tag Archives: seniors#

I’m Over 50 & Need a Non-Clingy Party Dress.


 

Seniors love social gatherings – it gives them a chance to talk about their grandkids’ latest superior achievements or their latest ailment or ‘procedure’. The hardest part is what to wear to parties and weddings. And yes, even funerals. They, too, have a social aspect. But you still have to have something presentable to wear.

It dawns on women somewhere in their 5th or 6th or 7th decade that they truly have no clue what other people have worn to prior ‘dress-up’ occasions; they have enough trouble remembering what THEY wore. Why get all worked up on what they will wear? So here is what I do.

I always look first in the closet and there’s that great little black dress that somehow has grown to a size 12 ~ it used to be a size 8. ~ I love stretchy fabrics. This little dress is appropriate for all occasions from funerals to weddings. Maybe….perhaps…a trip to the store will spiff up it’s appearance if I find some new accessories, and maybe, just maybe, even come across a brand new dressy, more youthful outfit. We have a family wedding next weekend.

Shopping for a spiffy new dress can be tedious and stressful. Most cocktail dresses are of the cling-y, nylon-y stretch-y material that suck up to your body, cling and bind, and show off all your curves, bulges and second stomachs. Even cellulite wants to be seen.

Is that my belly button indention? Oh, that’s not attractive. Why is it shorter in the front than in the back? Oh, yes, my two stomachs. But, you say, it looks smashing. Thank you, saleslady, but maybe a nice two-piece outfit would look better. Oh, they’re over there? Do they have elastic waistbands?

Uh, Oh. Don’t they make two-piece outfits where the top part covers your torso? Is there something wrong with all these mirrors? Are those my boobs plunging out of the top? Miss, do you have any outfits that go up to the neck? No, not in this department? Try Super Misses X sizes? OK. Where is it? Upstairs? Behind the elevator and next to the tent department? I’ll find it.

You can tell the Misses X department by the wide arrangement of wide clothes. But, she lied. They all have plunging necklines (what is this obsession to hang out your boobs?) and the clothes still cling to your body but more so in folds — who needs more folds? Miss, are you sure this isn’t the maternity department? No, of course I’m not pregnant. But thanks for the compliment; it implies I am young enough to get pregnant.   No, I’m not interested in the maternity department. No, thank you,  No, I don’t care where it is.

Maybe Lane Bryant has something – well – more mature and in style.

Hi, yes, I’m looking for a dressy cocktail dress that is not plunging, not clinging, below my knee-caps, and not made in Thailand, China or Malaysia. I’d like it to flatter my two stomachs and my behind and hide my imperfections and cellulite and have a built-in tummy reducer and bra reducer. Also, the top has to be smaller than the bottom and above my nipple line. Oh, and I prefer an elastic waist.

You have nothing like that? Well, thank you, anyway.

We had a great time at the wedding. My 10-year old little black dress that has somehow expanded to fit my body through all these years looked great. Everyone commented on my “new” dress, but I think they really meant my old body that somehow could adapt to an ‘old dress’ to make it look presentable. I love this dress – so much so that I think I will wear it to the funeral on Wednesday.

They don’t make dresses like this anymore. When it falls apart, I guess my social life will, too.

© Marie Coppola Revised October 4, 2015